We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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