just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
