You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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