Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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