apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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