you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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