I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize