I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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