I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
