Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
