so explain again why im purple
no
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
