She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
