Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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