I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
