No stitches, just platelets and will power
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
