I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
