It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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