Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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