If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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