I accidentally had phone sex last night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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