On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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