I want to have your abortion
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize