mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
