Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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