My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
