I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
