there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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