Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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