dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
