I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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