my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
