After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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