His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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