Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
