I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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