I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
