It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
