i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
