So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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