At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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