WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
