It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
