she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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