That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
