I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
