You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize