i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize