All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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