Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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