Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
