he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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