And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
