I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
