I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
