U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
