Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Randomize
