I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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