clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
