why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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