Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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