I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
