Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
