I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
