please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
