he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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