My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
