I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
