i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
