You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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