Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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