Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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