we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
