the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
