I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
