I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
