yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize