Rock
Scissors
Fuck
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
