i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize