things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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