The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
