I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
