Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
