so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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