This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize