I looked at my own cervix.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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