I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
