ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
