I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
