Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize