My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
