Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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