Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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