your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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