i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
