i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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