yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I need moral support for this bender
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
